I’m Not the Victim

I'm not at the top yet.

I’ve done a lot of whining here in this blog. Sometimes about work, sometimes about my relationship, sometimes about other things. I recognize that I’m not the victim, not in the sense that someone else has caused my issues, I’ve done a lot of this to myself. I’m far from self-actualization, I know this. I need to start showing more love, and really work to make myself secure at work. I may never reach self-actualization, but I can try. Who knows, maybe at that point I’ll be able to make things work out for myself.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking this morning, since I’ve been awake for an hour I’ve had time. Thinking is also one of those things you can do while taking care of other things. I can think while taking the dogs outside to relieve themselves, I can think while I’m in the shower, I can think while I’m filling the dishes with the wieners’ breakfasts, and I can think even as I write this blog entry. I’ve mostly been thinking how to make things better for me, which in theory would make things better for both myself and Tasha. This weekend, Tasha and I will be joining a gym, I’m looking forward to that because I’ve let myself go physically. That falls in line with the motivation problem I wrote about the other day. I’m not okay with the motivation problem. What I’m not looking forward to is motivating Tasha to go to the gym in the morning. She’s a lot of things, but a morning person isn’t one of them. I’m just hoping exercise has a similar effect on her mood as it had on mine when I was doing so regularly. I was in a better mood most of the time, just a matter of getting into the habit again. If it has the same effect on her, then even better. I’m just hoping I don’t have to be too much of a drill sergeant to keep her motivated, and to wake her up each morning we have scheduled to workout.

I’ve also been thinking about how to get my truck paid off sooner. I figure if I bump up the payments as little as 15 dollars a week from the payments that had initially been agreed upon, I should be about a month or so ahead of the payoff date. Meaning, instead of paying it off in February, I could pay it off in January or late December. Once I get the truck itself paid off, then I could get the engine replacement repair paid off at a similar rate, at approximately 460 dollars a month it would take about 6 months to get that repair paid for. I think I can do this without crippling myself financially. I’ve been crunching the numbers since thinking about it initially yesterday, and I’m 98% certain I can make it work without any harm to the bills that currently need paid. There’s a reason for my thought process, as well as for the other thought I’ve been kicking around.

That being making a more active effort to repair my credit. Since being approved for some vita-craft cookware (which is some bad ass stuff, chicken breast cooked in 12 minutes, without any extra seasoning, or water… sign me up!), my credit score has improved by a few points. Which is great, but I want more, because not only do Tasha and I want to buy a house in a couple of years, but also because I’ve been thinking about my next car. I want to be able to buy a new car, just once, and if I’m spending that kind of money on a car it has to have a certain level of badassitude. Ideally, I want to get a new Camaro, because they look badass and I’ve always been a GM kid. I’ve been looking into things that will help my credit very quickly, such as secured credit cards and things of that nature. There’s a few that as long as I make the payments and such on time my credit could be in the mid-600s in a few months. Coming up with the deposit is the hardest part, but I could deal with that.

Basically, I’ve had a lot on my mind and I haven’t been all that attentive to some other issues in my life. Haven’t been taking care of things with Tasha that I should be. It’s frustrating at least one of us, so I’ve got a lot of issues to correct. I can do what I can on each of them, but I need to focus on one at a time so I don’t burn myself any more than I already have. Anyway, I’ve said a lot this entry. All that’s left is to mention that the song of the day is “Gimme the Sweet and Lowdown” by Social Distortion. Have a great one, kids.

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About SteelCitySaint

I tried to stop me, but I'm too fantastic. Feel free to take a look at my blog and leave a comment on whatever it is I'm writing about.

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