I apparently have been down lately, more so than usual. I’ve been asked if anything’s wrong, if I’m alright, and other questions of the sort. Honestly, I’m fine there’s nothing that’s getting me down, aside from the usual ridiculousness from work and annoyance with some of the circumstances complicating my life at the moment. There’s nothing that’s actively upsetting me or dragging me down. It just seems every year there’s a window of 4-6 weeks before and after my birthday where I’m just not my usual self. This year is a little different than other years, if only because my doldrum period tends to happen after reflecting on where I am in my life, where I should be in my life, and things I have or haven’t accomplished in the past year. This year, it’s just happening. I don’t know if the whole financial situation has served as a trigger, but something is making me more prone to doldrums than most years and I’m not really sure how to handle that.
Apparently, Amy Winehouse died this weekend which means very little to me personally. I wasn’t a fan of her music and I certainly wasn’t a fan of her drug-fueled lifestyle. The only reason this affects me is the outpouring of emotion (and I use the term loosely) about how it’s such a tragedy that she died so young. I hate to break this to people, but it’s not a tragedy if someone refuses to find a way to break the self-destructive habits that are killing them (and on an emotional level those around them), yes she was famous but honestly no one heard anything from her in years outside of something about the latest bender she was on. I doubt I’m alone on this, but I’m not going to cry tragedy when someone made the choice to start the habits that would eventually kill them. Dying in a car accident, plane crash, terrorist attack, or during a natural disaster… those are tragedy. When I die of cancer or of a heart attack because of lifestyle choices I made… that won’t be a tragedy.
Of course, there was also the terrorist attacks in Oslo. Which will probably see less press than the whole Amy Winehouse thing, because Amy Winehouse was supposedly a celebrity. Still, the people who died in the attacks in Oslo, those were tragic deaths. People going about their day to to day business, only to be killed either by a bomb or by a gunman. Terrorism is becoming more and more common, and that’s sad. The thing is, the lines drawn are getting harder and a hard line is difficult to break. If you surround your mind with hard lines, it doesn’t stay open. That means ultimately nothing changes, except there are more bodies in the ground. This is a tragedy, not an expected outcome.
I also did some cigar smoking this weekend, which will probably play a role in my ultimate demise. Smoked a Cu-Avana Inteso Punisher yesterday, and that was a very spicy cigar. My lips were hot almost immediately after I lit up, like if I had sucked on a jalapeno pepper. That would stay there for the majority of the cigar. The flavors behind it were complex, earthy, and full. I didn’t focus as much on the other flavors because the spice from initially lighting up was so intense that I was focused on that. I also smoked a Gran Habano Vintage 2002 Robusto, which is a solid performer and a bargain priced cigar coming in at about $2 a cigar. Full bodied with complex flavors, the corojo wrapper adds some spice but not as much as what I experienced in the Punisher. I also smoked a Gurkha Class Regent at some point this weekend, which is a milder smoke than what I usually smoke, but then it also doesn’t carry the price tag that Gurkha cigars usually do. If the flavors in other Gurkha lines are similar to this one I don’t think I’ll be jumping on the bandwagon.
I’m hoping to clear enough space in my humidor for the inevitable cigar bombs for my birthday, as well as another bundle of the Gran Habano Vintage Robustos. I have a second large (read: 40-50 capacity) humidor that I need to set up, and a third smaller humidor (10-20 capacity) that I’m planning on using solely for flavor infused cigars like those from Drew Estate’s ACID line or CAO’s flavours line. Infused smokes are a good change of pace, and could be useful if I’m hosting parties and such since they’re a little more accessible for people who don’t smoke premium handmade cigars like I do. There is that. Once I get through next month I need to slow down on my cigar consumption until I can get my hands on a cooler to create a coolidor to store boxes of cigars at a time. Aging cigars can help even the best cigar be even better.
Beyond that, I’m just hoping to get my finances in order so I can do some things I want to do on my birthday. Specifically, play some video games, smoke more fine cigars, and enjoy some well made beer. I’m hoping I can do these things, but honestly I’m not sure I see that happening. Apparently, my girl’s mom is planning on doing something for my birthday but I’m not sure what if anything that will be. Honestly, all I really need is a couple texts or phone calls saying, “Happy Birthday”. I can’t afford to have the little get together I was planning on. So there is that. Ah well, I’ll worry about it closer to the actual day.