Possibilities

So, it’s Thursday. Tomorrow is Friday, and I won’t have much money left from my paycheck because I’ve made commitments financially and need to see them through. It’s okay though, I’ve got a decent stock of cigars, although I need to add some to my humidor in the near future. I know which ones I want, just need the free funds to make it happen. The following week, I should be alright with funds and I can add said cigars, and maybe a few singles from the Tinder Box. Thinking about this, I’ve begun thinking maybe I should start working on a more focused blog. Focusing on things like cigars, adult beverages and the general pursuit of manliness. I don’t know if I’d get any readers for it but I think it could help me focus some of my energies to something productive. I figure if it takes off, I could get some free cigars to sample and then all of the perks that come with being a respected member of the media… or just some schlub with a focused blog. It’s still in the kicking around the idea stage, so there is that. If it does happen, I’ll let my readers (all 4 of you) know.

I’ve also been working on my issues with the dealership I had been buying my truck from. Basically, the contract specifics were changed by them and never changed back. Since the contract changed (and had been changed for several months) they finally decided it wasn’t making them enough money and repossessed my truck. The legality of that move is questionable, and the ethics of it are non-existent. I’ve made some calls and have taken the advice given to me. If it goes the way the person advising me expects, I could potentially get more money back that what I had paid into the process. In the meantime though, I need to make sure I put X amount of money into my account each week and save it so I can buy another vehicle, one that won’t be repossessed every few months. I’ve got a lead on one, depending on how quickly I can get the funds together. I’d rather find something reasonably fuel efficient since I’d then start saving towards a down payment on a new vehicle, but if I have to settle on a gas guzzler, then I’ll settle on a gas guzzler. Right now, it’s just a matter of having something that gets me from point A to point B.

Professionally, I don’t even know any more. I feel like I should be doing more than I am. I mean, it’s pretty clear I’m a spoke in the wheel here. The only thing that I have going for me, is technological knowledge, I’ve been able to fix the computer problems we’ve had, and most other problems I’m sure I can fix. So, there is that. It means I’m pretty safe in my position here. As long as I don’t steal from the company I shouldn’t be fired. Still, I don’t think our hirings were well thought out. We have 4 sales reps here Monday through Friday, and generally no more than 3 are busy at any given time. Saturdays, there are usually 3 sales reps and way more customers than those 3 reps can handle, so logically if we are adding staff we need to add it for Saturday, not the rest of the week. That should be a minor qualm, but considering that morale here is very low, it’s hard to really feel like I’m really making a difference. That said, most of the positions I’ve been interviewed for recently won’t pay as much (although there have been a couple that were combinations of hourly wage and commission might have made it close). Unless I can find a decent graphic designer/artist role somewhere, I’ll need to figure out how to make myself more productive at work. Although having a second day off in a week might help keep me charged physically, mentally, and emotionally. Regardless, I still don’t even know right now.

Educationally, I feel like I’m getting the general gist of graphic design. Still learning the fundamentals, and using them to build on one another. In theory this will allow me to take any set of elements in a design and turn it into something interesting and/or exciting. Of course, I could also take it the other way, depending on specific needs of a client. I feel like I’m getting the information, but I need to devote a little more time to it when I do my homework and such. Maybe more dedication to my class work will help me in other areas of my life. If they do, that would be awesome. Ultimately though, everything I’m doing right now is preparing me for the future I’m determined to create for myself. Whether I’m running my own business, working mostly freelance, or working for a design or publishing house I feel like I’ll be more fulfilled than I have been. It’s not going to come overnight, and I know that. I’m not expecting it to, but if I put myself more into the work the more I’ll get out of the work and myself. Maybe I can start using some of the design skills I have picked up to work on a graphic for my potential new, more focused blog. Might be the kind of kick start my education needs, taking the knowledge and using it for myself. Then, maybe teaching it to someone else. Who knows, but first I need to get the education.

I’ve got a lot on my mind, clearly. I need to figure how to get the best out of myself in every one of these arenas. I also need to get back on the workout regimen I had been on. I felt better then than I do now. I realize how much I talk a good game, but don’t actually follow through on it. Maybe that’s why I feel so down on myself. I keep barking, but never bite… so to speak. Maybe it’s time for me to shut up and do something. I know what my problem ultimately is though, motivation. Specifically a lack of motivation. Motivation and some support would be amazing, not that Tasha doesn’t support me. She does, but sometimes it works best if there’s someone who is sharing your same (or very similar) goals to keep you motivated. I’ve never really had that, aside from a few short term diets and such with Tasha. I guess it’s something I should explore, maybe actively seek out a workout buddy. I don’t know where to begin looking for a workout buddy (aside from the wieners taking a walk with me). Hell, I’m not even sure how I ever made friends, I’m not extremely social immediately with people. I like to know what they’re about before I start trying to be friends… that’s a lie, cause all the friends I have I didn’t really try to make friends with them. It just kind of happened. I guess my weight and health also boils down to “I don’t even know, anymore” territory.

Still, I know I could have it a lot worse. I have it a lot better than other people. I should suck it up and be happy it’s not worse. I should do that, but I know I deserve better and I’m worth more than I show. Maybe it’s time I start showing my amaziosity. Cause I am pretty amazing. Anyway, have a good day folks.

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About SteelCitySaint

I tried to stop me, but I'm too fantastic. Feel free to take a look at my blog and leave a comment on whatever it is I'm writing about.

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